OCD and perfection

This past week I have been feeling as if I can't do anything the way I want to. Have you ever had one of those days where it feels like no matter how hard you try, you can't do anything right? Ya well imagine that for a week and you can imagine my stress level.

I know that I shouldn't stress myself out about little things, but I can't help it. Have you ever just wanted something to be absolutely perfect? Like, I don't know, example: You have been working on this painting for like 2 months and you love it, but then you keep picking it apart until you hate it again, and then you just keep working and working and working, until you can look at it again and say, "There is absolutely nothing wrong with this picture." But you know what I've learned this week? It might be a perfect picture, but it isn't art anymore. It's just a stupid picture someone spent 2-3 months outta their lives on that ya, might be perfect, but is a little boring. I begining to feel the same way about school, and writting and I'm not quite sure, but I feel a little bit of everything. I'm not this great scientist or some amazing mathmatician. I'm not the greatest writer or the famous Historian, but I am me. And taking these hard classes and working as hard as I can is just a pit stop for me. And I hope that maybe someday when I get through this (if I get through this) I can help other people realize that they are great the way they are. And the first step of perfection is making mistakes.

Anyway so back to my OCDness. I didn't sleep at all last night because I had freaked myself out about this essay I've been re-writting and re-writting and re-writting and then I hadn't finished all my math, and I couldn't sing the songs in choir right, and on and on and on....and then about 4 or 4:30am I fell asleep, and didn't make it to seminary in the morning because I was way to tired!! I hated that feeling! I feel totally jipped! From sleep and seminary and it seems like everything. So when I walked into my former math teachers room this morning and said "I think I am OCD.", he just started laughing at me and replied "I've only been telling you that for a year and a half!" which made me laugh, even though I was about /\ that close to falling asleep.

This all boils down to my reslove however. I have resolved that I can't be perfect, and that I'm not going to kill myself trying. I'm going to try and just cool off for a bit, and maybe if I'm lucky, catch up on some sleep. The only thing that is keeping me going right now is the cookies my friend Breanne keeps feeding me to keep me awake. Thank goodness for friends is all I have to say. And besides that I've just got one last thought. Loosing sleep over things really doesn't help anything, trust me. All it does is make things worse. It's really true.

Wish me luck! I have to stay awake for like 3 more periods and for Cross Country...haha. Ya, that'll be interesting...